DECEMBER '24

 

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of His creatures." -James 1:16-18

I had a mental breakdown right before Thanksgiving this year.  I’m not over it yet & I honestly just feel so drained that I don’t even have words to put on the page.  I’ve tried so many times to start this post and then deleted it.

What encouragement is there?  What hope do we have?  

How do I try to convey genuine encouragement when my own heart is in despair?  Even in the midst of a season of celebrating the birth of our Savior!  What is wrong with me?

These are some of the questions my heart and mind are wrestling through right now. In my struggle, the Holy Spirit reminded me of this song:

If you want to read the history of the song, you can do so here.

This song remains stuck in my head and for that I'm thankful.

Christmas carries a lot of feelings for a lot of people.  I know people who have lost their spouse, their mom, their dad, their brother, their sister, their child- they buried them in the earth and it just makes Christmas feel like one big fraud with an empty seat at the table.  It makes me angry and it breaks me all at the same time.  

How Jesus?  How do we celebrate when these are the circumstances? 

This was the answer He gently whispered to my heart:

"It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to Himself.  All of this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.  Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:13-18

There have been lots of times, both as a world and as individuals when grief is too much to bear.  People have said, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  But based on the scriptures I do not think that is true.  Those I have talked to seem to get the idea from 1 Corinthians 10:13.  But if you read what it actually says it's speaking of temptation, not life circumstance.  I am overwhelmed right now, and it is more than I can handle.  But God, over and over again shows that He can handle it. There is nothing He cannot handle.  Paul, the man God used to bring His gospel to the Gentile world, pleaded with God three times over something painful (2 Cor. 12:8).  God's response to Paul was not "you can do this! cheer up, buddy!"  Instead God told him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  His grace is what brings us through.  His power is shown perfect in our human frailties.  Paul's response speaks volumes to his faith,  "therefore I [Paul] will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

While it's true that the song and these words in Corinthians brought me comfort, the pain is still there.  The thorn is still pressing into my heart both day and night.  So what more can I do?  What more is there?  The verse for this month, I think holds my answer:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." -James 1:17

God is called "the Father of lights," and then the verse expands upon that statement by saying "with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."  Lights and shadows are funny little things.  In science, light seems to always create shadow.  With the sun, shadows are always changing even though its not obvious to our naked eye.  So this begs the question: what is a light that doesn't have a shadow?  

Revelation 21 answers that question by stating: "Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away...I [John] did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.  The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.  The nations will walk by its light and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it.  On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there."

His light is the better light.  It's better than the warm sun, better than the calm moon, better than the sparkle of the stars.  

"For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  -2 Corinthians 4:6-9

The verse in James also says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above..."

The Bible talks a lot about gifts.  Gifts of the Holy Spirit, the gift of the Spirit Himself, the gifts of mercy, grace, salvation...I could go on and on. I don't know what gift you need to be reminded of today, but for me, I need the gift of knowing that Jesus knows how it feels to be 33 years old.

I need the gift of knowing that He came as a baby that grew in Mary’s tummy.  He knows how it feels to be five and skin your knee.  He knows how it feels to be 12 and struggle through puberty.  He knows how it feels to be 24 and have people pressure you to get married.  He knows how it feels to wander in the desert & be tempted to provide for yourself instead of trusting God.  

That’s part of the hope of Christmas- Hebrews 13:8 tells us, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." He knows how it feels to be us.  I was 30 when I got a traumatic brain injury and my life changed completely.  He knows what that feels like.  He knows how it feels to be a human in a broken world.

To be totally honest…I feel really lonely in the holiday season.  My health doesn’t let me participate like I used to and for the past few years I have grieved the life I once led.  I don’t want to do that anymore, but how do you hold grief & joy in the same moment?

Yet God reminds me...

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom." -Isaiah 40:28

In those moments, hours, or days of difficulty- we are not alone.  His understanding no one can fathom. That means He gets it.  Every single nook and cranny- He sees and is in it with you.

Jesus offers hope for the one who is broken.  Jesus brings healing and joy.  Jesus weeps with you at the graveside, hospital bed, or silently in your room.  He is there for all of it.  He wants all of it.  He wants all of you & He wants all of me.  Including (maybe especially) the broken parts, tender parts of your soul.

I don’t know how you feel going into December this year…but I know Jesus loves you and has promised to never leave.  He is in it for the long haul. 

I don't know why God allows the painful things that He lets happen, but I do know this: He won't waste it.  Not one millisecond of whatever you're feeling today will be wasted.  I mean, He let Jesus be tortured, humiliated, and bear the weight of all sin...if He can use that for good- then maybe, just maybe He's going to work good in your circumstance too.

I want to leave you with one last video as we say farewell to 2024 and walk into 2025.  This is a clip from the tv series the Chosen.  One of the disciples who has a limp (the actor has a limp in real life) asks Jesus why He hasn't healed him yet.  He mentions to Jesus that he feels like a burden...oh how my heart and mind can relate.  I pray it blesses you.

Merry Christmas